As this blog has barely begun, I’d like to start it off with a few staple components that will keep me consistent in my posting. One thing that I loved to do when I was younger was write letters and cards of appreciation to people that made my life better. To this day, I still enjoy expressing gratitude through writing. I have many journal entries about people who’ve added something special to my life just by the sheer happenstance of our paths crossing. I don’t like the thought of these people not being aware of how much I appreciate them, but I haven’t exactly been the most emotionally expressive person until recently.
Something that makes me happy is to see or imagine the bashful look on someone’s face after I’ve just sent them a piece of writing specifically detailing how unique and influential they genuinely are to me. I’m such a sap! I love to cause that reaction where people are so overwhelmed with the ‘warm and fuzzies’ that they don’t know how to react. It’s beyond satisfying! Going forward, each month I’m going to choose one person to gush over, whether it be a family member, a friend, or even an artist I’ve never met before.
My sister Abigail and I haven’t always been so close. I actually used to ignore her and mistreat her as we were growing up. This is something I’m glad she continues to call me out for, because I wasn’t completely aware of how my frivolous actions as a young girl would affect someone who could’ve looked up to me. Though I failed to be a strong female role model for her back then, I am trying to make up for it now. I’m honestly not sure how I’m doing. I know I’m a better person, but it may not matter to her. It may be too late for her to ever see me as anything other than a miserable bully. Abby and I are six years apart. By the time she realized she wanted to hang out with her big sister, I was going through puberty! I was full of self hate and pent up sexual frustration, and I took it out on several people, including her. I hope she can understand that it was very difficult for me to grow up in our household, and I just didn’t handle it well.
Darkness is something she revels in, because she knows that difficult emotions are just a part of life. “
Abby has always been free spirited and rebellious. For someone who claims to be anti-social, she is effortlessly able to make friends with everyone she meets. All of Abby’s friends know that she is not only the realest, but the best friend. If you’re lucky enough to make her acquaintance and show her even just a bit of kindness, she will unconditionally go the extra mile for you. She is the one person I know who is always able to make me laugh in any situation. We often exchange cynical looks and share a love for morbid, self deprecating humor. She doesn’t understand how much she’s influenced my developing sardonicism. That’s hardly all she’s inspired. Aside from her unconventional disposition, she is remarkably creative and talented. I fear she doesn’t realize her full potential as an artist, but I can’t wait until she does!
Abby’s style embodies the edgy 90s girl we all wanted to be. She has prompted me to try darker shades and saturnine aesthetics, but I doubt I’ll ever be able to capture her moxie. Darkness is something she unapologetically revels in, because she knows that difficult emotions are just a part of life. She taught me that it’s ok to be down, because there’s always something we can do to escape. Self care is her lifestyle. That being said, Abby is not someone you can vent to, and that’s ok. She doesn’t care about your drama, she cares about distracting you from it. “Shut up” she says, as she grabs the remote and starts playing ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ or a compilation of her favorite vines. Her attitude screams “Shit happens, oh well”.
She’s beginning to get roped into adulthood, and working harder than I ever did at her age. Her grit astounds me. I have watched her grow up and struggle with unprocessed trauma, neglect, an abusive relationship, and several other relationships with men that couldn’t hold a candle to all she deserves. I would give everything just to make sure she experiences joy and pure bliss. She is the strong female role model I should’ve been for her. It makes me ecstatic to know that she is setting such an example for other young women, and I am proud of her for it.
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