A Survivor’s Thoughts On Reporting An Assault By Ariel

“Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.”

Paul Holes

Paul Holes used this phrase in his podcast today stating this is commonly said between crime investigators. Like I’ve said time and time again, especially in cases of sexual assault, it tends to come down to a he-said-she-said, which in turn leaves many cases unreported.

Often the victim/survivor will feel as though it’s a waste of time if they don’t have physical evidence of an altercation/fluids/etc. Trying to take a he-said-she-said case to trial can be incredibly traumatizing; having a defense attorney call you a liar or a slut. Often it’s the survivor’s life and history that’s torn apart.

When people sit there and try to defend men simply because they’re men, it makes me sick.” 

Personally, I reported 3 people who assaulted me repeatedly as a child. After being told by the detective it was going to be an uphill battle and likely not worth it, because he couldn’t force the 2/3 males to testify against the 3rd (the only one who would have even gotten a slap on the wrist), I didn’t pursue.

I’ve been assaulted more times than I’d like to even count since then, and have had to make the decision on whether or not it would be worth it for me to report because I either didn’t even know the person’s name or felt like I’d just be told it wasn’t going to go anywhere again.

When people sit there and try to defend men simply because they’re men, it makes me sick. Victims can absolutely be men too, I’m not dismissing that; but when it’s a man’s word over a woman’s, all too often it’s, “let’s not destroy this man’s future” and not “let’s dig deeper and maybe we can find more evidence or witnesses, or ANYTHING.”

For any of those that have ever thought to themselves, ”well there’s no physical evidence” “she doesn’t even have bruises” or, “bruises can be from rough sex too”, please be mindful in remembering that not every abuser will leave evidence of the crime.

Thanks for reading.


Would you like to share your thoughts or feature your story on Eternal Metamorphosis? If you are a survivor or member of a marginalized community and you’d like to submit your art, contact me!

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